Santz On The Journey

Today we celebrate one month of life! Ethan you may not know or understand but you have changed both your mommy and daddy’s life. I understand all you do right now is eat, sleep, and poop, but somehow when you gaze into my eyes I just know that you know who I am. When you give us those quick little smiles, it always reassures us that we are doing a good job.

I can’t believe it’s been a month! I remember when the midwife started telling your mom to push!! I could see your head and your mom was doing such a great job. I didn’t know what the heck to do, because those massages and breathing techniques were thrown out the window, so all I could do to help you and your mom, was just count to 10 to help your mommy push you out. You quickly came out (a sight that will be engrained in my heart and mind forever) nurse just cleaned you up a bit and quickly put you on mommy’s chest. The first thing I noticed were your lips, there was no denying that those lips you have are from daddy! I quickly got my iphone out and snapped away like a crazy tourist, taking photo after photo. My heart experienced love at a whole nutha level!!

All this excitement came to a close quickly, when the midwife tried to explain that there was a problem with mom, she was bleeding too much. Everything was going perfect, no one could’ve predicted this roadblock. After a few doctors and nurses came in to see what was wrong with mom, I knew this wasn’t just a minor problem. They started talking and quickly said, we need to take her to the operating room.

I was crushed and torn, this was our time to celebrate, our time to be a family! And now you are taking away Ethan’s mom, my wife!! Being afraid was an understatement, I didn’t know what to do, I felt stuck. Nurses quickly told me “daddy you’ll come with baby, and we will take care of mommy” They swaddled you up and put you in my arms. We both said by to mom as they carted her off to the O.R.

That was the moment when I just looked down at you and for some reason, you had no worries, you trusted in God, in me, in those doctors, in mom. You won’t understand it now but you showed me true faith. Although everything around us was not going right, you had faith and believed that everything would work out.

They put us in a room together as we waited for 3 hours until mom came back. Those 3 hours were quiet, I prayed to God, called a few people, held you in my arms, and balled my eyes out. Nurses would come in to check on us periodically, and I would bug them with the same question, “How’s Amanda?” and they all responded, “She’s strong, she’ll be fine, we’ll let you know once she’s done.” Ethan, in one day you gave me strength to have faith, In one month you’ve given me strength to believe in myself that I am a good father, I can’t wait to see what you teach me in one year (but don’t worry we don’t have to get there right now, I’m enjoying this time with you.)

Amanda, I am honored and blessed to be your husband, you truly are stronger than me, you’re the best mom for Ethan.

Ethan, I’m proud to be your father!

Love you both…